While I was pregnant, I wrote this post about body image. Since postpartum body image is something that’s been very much on my mind lately, I thought it was time for a follow up.
The first few months with a newborn are a blur. You’re in survival mode and you’re so focused on the tiny new person you created that you almost forget to take care of yourself. Of course, you can’t entirely forget because recovery isn’t exactly comfortable. But, that makes sense, considering the monumental, incredibly impressive thing you just did.
For a while, you throw on whatever clothes are the gentlest. Soft, forgiving clothes are all you want (if you even change out of pajamas). If you happen to look in a mirror, it’s not for very long. It’s a period of major change, adjustment and learning.
Then, there comes a time when you feel like you’re ready to poke your head out of the bubble of new parenthood. Maybe it’s when you and the babe get the okay for walks outside. Maybe it’s the first time you leave the grandparents in charge (even briefly). Or when you’re cleared for exercise. Maybe it’s when your parental leave is almost over and you’re thinking about going back to work.
Whenever it is, you finally take a minute to really look at yourself in the mirror. This body that did that incredibly impressive thing probably doesn’t look the same as it did before. That makes complete sense, but it’s also hard to come to terms with. How you look on the outside and how you feel on the inside are probably a total jumble. You want to reclaim this part of yourself, you want to love your body, but how?
For me, the postpartum body journey was a little different. I actually lost a little weight during my third trimester because I was so restricted with gestational diabetes. So, I didn’t really have any “weight to lose” after I gave birth. But, since the diabetes was gone post-birth, I indulged in all of the things I couldn’t eat for months before. Our friends were great about bringing dinner over during those early weeks. And my mom and one of our best friends made freezer meals to stock us up. But, we also ordered in a lot. When I got to the point that I wanted to wear “real clothes” again, some things didn’t fit. I ordered a size up in some basics so I could get dressed without stressing.
“People” say to give yourself at least as many months to “bounce back” as you were pregnant. While some people can’t wait to do their first postpartum workout as soon as they’re medically cleared, it wasn’t a priority for me. In fact, the first time I properly exercised since Seth was born was last week. He’s ten and a half months old. What finally pushed me to get back into it was a day when I tried on five things and didn’t like how any of them looked. Ironically, they all made me look like I was still pregnant.
“Balancing” things as a parent is incredibly challenging. (One of my many things I didn’t appreciate about my own parents until I was one). But, I’m learning that all of those clichés about how you can’t pour from an empty cup are true. It’s great that I’m taking care of my mental health with weekly therapy sessions, but I have to take care of my body too. The two are interconnected, and if I want to be the best mom for Seth, I need to find time for both. The other day, I did 20 minutes on the elliptical in between work calls. I didn’t burn a ton of calories, but it was something.
I don’t have any answers. I just want to acknowledge that if your postpartum (and frankly, post-pandemic) body image is not the best, you’re not alone. Find some clothes that make you feel good right now, and then figure out what you want long term. You don’t have to lose weight or get back to your pre-baby size unless that’s what you actually want. And if it is, there’s no timeline, and it’s not worth driving yourself crazy. You did one of the hardest things in the world, and even if you’re finding it hard to love your body right now, you should be proud. When I look in the mirror and have an unkind thought, I remind myself of the moment when I didn’t think I could possibly push anymore…and then I did. This body gave me Seth, and for that I am forever grateful.
