When I was in college, I was diagnosed with anxiety and ADD. The doctor I saw was honestly more of a “pill pusher,” and I wasn’t in therapy. It wasn’t until I found my current therapist that I started really educating myself about my mental health. At this point, I’m familiar with my anxiety, what triggers it and how it manifests. But, how my brain works has always frustrated me. A good friend recommended that I read a book called Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg, and it helped me so much. Learning about neurodiversity and understanding myself better has already made such an impact on my daily life, and I want to share more because I know I’m not alone.
I was a fairly shy kid growing up, and I definitely identify as an introvert as an adult. I’m a deep thinker, an over-analyzer, and extremely sensitive. I’m very much in my head, and while anxiety is a big part of that, it has never felt like like the whole picture. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t always view the quiet, sensitive people in a positive light. Without realizing it, I let that negativity infiltrate my inner monologue over the years. I’ve often thought to myself, “Why am I like this?” and felt like there was something wrong with me.
It turns out that my brain actually works differently than a lot of people’s. The concept of neurodiversity means recognizing and celebrating the diversity of brain makeups instead of pathologizing some as “normal” and others as “abnormal.” People with ADHD are considered neurodivergent, as are people with autism, and high sensitivity is often present as well. Our society at large doesn’t embrace these concepts, but I think it’s so important to understand and respect that some people actually “think differently.”
Sensitivity
The author of Divergent Mind is herself neurodivergent, and spoke to many other women who identify this way. She explained sensitivity in a way that really resonated with me: “Sensitivity implies a certain heightened reaction to external stimuli–experiences, noise, chatter, others’ emotional expression, sound, light, or other environmental changes.” I have always been especially attuned to my environment and the people around me, and I never knew why. According to research by Elaine Aron, “the defining characteristic of a Highly Sensitive Person is a depth of processing–taking time to perceive and process external and internal input, be it sound light, feelings or new information and explanations.” I have a very vivid memory of a job interview when I must have taken an extra beat to think through my response to a question. The interviewer said, “Are you always this timid?”
Quite honestly, I have always struggled with the expectations and rigidity of a traditional workplace. As Nerenberg explains, “We think differently and process differently, so we work differently. It’s a challenge to time our abilities with a clock when overwhelm or underwhelm, boredom or overexcitement are rotating realities.” I’ve had some bosses who really didn’t understand me, and I wasn’t in a place where I could speak up about what I needed. The truth is though, people like me are an asset to a company in ways that most people don’t think about. “…being empathetic people, we pick up on things that are unspoken and we pick up the energies of those around us. Neurodivergent individuals are great people to go to when you want a temperature check on how people are feeling in a company because they’re probably picking up on everything.”
Dealing with Guilt
One of the things I have always felt guilty about is my need to recharge. If I do a lot in a day, or I’ve been around people and engaged socially, I deeply crave quiet alone time. As I learned about introversion, I attributed it to that, but after reading this book, I think that brain chemistry has something to do with it too. Knowing this makes me feel more validated. It goes back to the negative connotations around being shy and going unrecognized if you’re not (comfortable being) the loudest person in the room.
Many times I have felt like I’m standing in my own way. I’ve viewed myself through a negative lens. I’m not great at staying organized and I start to zone out in highly detailed conversations. Having this framework has helped me see that I am different, but that’s okay. I can be successful and happy in the world if I continue to take care of myself and use my differences to my advantage. I also have to learn to speak up when I need people to understand where I’m coming from. After I read this book, Rob and I had a long conversation about some things that he approaches in ways that are too much for me. Now that he knows, he’s already made an effort to reframe things in a way that I can handle better.
Fittingly, this post is a bit of a jumble. But, I hope I shared some helpful information, and if you experience some of the same things I do, you feel less alone. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
